It’s our ability to say “No” that determines how successful we truly are in life.

Have you ever found yourself saying “Yes” when you really wanted to say “No”? It’s something almost everybody does, and we do it for a variety of reasons. Maybe we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t want to appear uncooperative, or we’re afraid people won’t like us. It’s a hard thing to say—“No.” Saying “No” is a very difficult skill. “No” impacts a lot of things, and you need to learn how to say it.

• Be honest with yourself and others. You can’t say “Yes” to everything. You’ve got to be honest. People might say that I’m brutal, and I don’t want to be brutal. It hurts me when I hear that, but if I can’t say “No,” that means I can’t be honest. If you are strong and assertive, you can’t worry about what people call you. You have to stand by your decisions and not waver under pressure. Don’t let yourself be talked into doing anything that’s contrary to your best interests or does not work toward your goals.
• Causes stress. When you say “Yes” to something that you wanted to say “No,” you’ll feel like everyone else is controlling your life. You can’t let other people control your life, it creates stress and tension. You allow everybody to do what they like (to control your life), and then you blame them. Say “No. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but it’s a ‘No.’” Be honest with yourself and be strong.
• Don’t over-commit and under-deliver. I’m not going to say “Yes” to something and find out later I really can’t do it. It causes too much stress, and I want to always over-deliver. The better you are at doing things, the more people will ask you to do things because they know you can get them done. But you can’t do everything that people ask. You have to set your standard.
• Mean it when you say “No.” Saying “Yes” to things you can’t manage will create a huge amount of stress in your life and it builds tension. If you say “No,” but keep giving in, it creates additional tension. This is an important standard for you to set in your workplace. It applies just as importantly to your home. Kids will easily learn that there is no such thing as authority. One of the two parents need to set a tone, and “No” means “No!”
  

If you say it correctly, people usually respond well to a firm “No.” If you’re honest about what you have decided, you can explain why you can’t (or won’t) agree to what they’re asking. If there are alternatives, share them with the other person. Most people will appreciate your honesty.

It’s like a seesaw—whenever you say “Yes” to something, something else will become a “No” because you don’t have the time to do it all. There’s a downside for every “Yes.” Something suffers, and usually it’s your family, because you take them for granted.