Being a leader is about living your life in a way that inspires or encourages others. Here is the 9th in my series of monthly newsletters, each with a section on the skills you need so you can be a leader of your life. To lead is to serve. If you make it your goal to do the best that you can and to help people, then you can't fail. I encourage you to commit to keep learning.

The content below is extracted from Mike Holt's Leadership Skills - Taking Your Career to the Next Level.

They say it's our ability to say No that determines how successful we truly are in life. Have you ever found yourself saying yes when you really wanted to say no? It's something almost everyone does and we do it for a variety of reasons:

• We don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
• We don't want to appear uncooperative.
• We're afraid people won't like us if we say no.

Remember that part of being a leader is being honest, so don't say yes or maybe when you want to say no.

• Be assertive, not deceptive.
• Don't agree with something you can't do or don't want to do.
• Don't take on a responsibility for which you have no obligation.
• Don't let yourself be talked into doing anything that's contrary to your best interests or those of the team.
  

You'll reduce your stress level by saying no to a situation you can't handle, or don't choose to handle. Say no and mean it! Consider what you're actually able to do versus what you would like to do. There's nothing wrong with saying no if you know that added responsibility will cause a serious problem with your schedule.

A survey suggested that if you were to say no, it would be the correct answer 80 percent of the time. When you do say yes and make a commitment, be realistic about the expectations and the time needed to complete or honor it.

Even though it might be difficult at first, with practice you'll find it easier to draw the line tactfully and protect your time. Said correctly, people usually respond well to a firm no. It requires clear, logical thinking. Don't be wishy-washy! Be honest about whatever you decide to do. Explain why you can't (or won't) agree to the request. If there are alternatives, share them with the other person. Most people will appreciate your honesty. Whenever you say "yes" to one thing, something else will become a "no" because you don't have time to do it all. There's a downside to every "yes". Something suffers and usually it's your family, because you take them for granted.

We'd love to hear from you about this series, and the ways you're using it. Send us your comments and feedback by clicking on Post a Comment below. Look out for the next part in this series a month from now, and please share with your colleagues.

To review or catch up on previous newsletters on business and personal development click here.
The above content is extracted from Mike Holt's Leadership Skills textbook.

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